To You Amanda..

Amanda,

where do i begin? you was my ace. my best friend. my homie. my ride or die. my everything. you was the epitome of the friendship i longed for. the best friend who would go places with me. the best friend that knew exactly how i felt even without me saying a word. the best friend who introduced me to a world i knew nothing of. deceit close up. i carried you in my spirit believe it or not. i hung on to your every word, every move, and every sound you made. i thought after years of battling lonliness i could say that i stamped and got a great friend. although i always had my other ace, you was the one i spent all my time with. we had everything in common, down to the way we thought. but as time went by, we grew more and more different mentally. i was the compassionate and analytical thinker with no real motive against people, and you was the vindictive, cold hearted person who didnt have a care in the world. you tried to get me to be just like you, but to no avail. you didnt want a future with a woman, but i did. relationships doesnt mean a thing to me yet they are gold in my world. i gave you pieces and pieces of my existence and you only gave me fragments of yours. i considered you my best friend yet you considered me a great friend. only used the term best friend when you was trying to make certain people jealous. when i really think about it, you never value the people in your life. your best friend before me, you kicked her to the curb simply because she wasnt growing like you were. instead of giving her the tools, you dumped her. and then came to me. karma is a bitch because you whine and complain that i dumped you for my girl. no no no sweety. im not you. the real reason why i cut you off is because we grew apart. you stopped playing the best friend role long before my girl got into the mix. you became secretive, like we never told each other whats going on with our lives in the past. you became nonexistant. yet when you got back home, i guess you expected for things to go back to normal. when my best friend died, you really wasnt there for me to call on for support. i went through her funeral and the first weeks without you physically and emotionally. when my girl came into the mix, you was already nonexistant, but because of the love i had for you, i still had a glimmer of hope things would be different one day. but you showed me different. you tried and slander my name to a mutual friend. i guess you thought i would never find out. always remember that whats done in the dark always come to light. thats how i found out about your ways. its sad that i gave you so many opportunities to correct your mistakes and you didnt do anything about it. whats even more sad is the fact that you told me what exactly you was doing wrong with our friendship and even promised to fix it, all for you to dip anyways in the end. and blame it on me. how convenient. there was so many warning signs that you wasnt the friend for me. but ive always been the optimistic soul. i see the good in people even when they dont see it in themselves. i want you to know that i treasured our friendship very much and it didnt matter if i had a girl or not. however, i think you lost your mind if you thought that you would come before love. never were you happy for me and thats why i said you wouldnt come before love. if i had your complete support, things would have surely been different. but thats not what happened so im not going to dwele on the what ifs anymore. the fact remains that you wasnt what i needed and i got tired of being what you needed. i harbor bad feelings towards you because im disappointed in how things went. but i should have known this was going to happen because you do this with everyone in your life. therefore in the end, i didnt take it personal at all. i chalked it up to you as a person and went on with my life. i didnt lose any sleep and i didnt cry a single tear. you are you and i am me. two completely different people. in the beginning, we were the same exact person. now, we are complete strangers. never thought i would have a day without you in my life but it has been a year since you havent been in my life. and although ive been through a rocky year, i think i would be worse off if i still knew you. however, in saying all of that, i dont wish bad upon you either. things happen for a reason and people are brought in your life for a season. i always felt that we wouldnt be best friends forever, and i always felt deep down inside that you and i was only in each others lives because we shared a common situation that neither one of us knew how to deal with. we grew together with our situations and grew apart when our lives called for other fulfillments. nonetheless i am grateful for what lessons you taught me and grateful to have known you. although i had bad feelings, im letting them go once and for all. thank you for being my lesson. goodbye to our funny moments, goodbye to our trips down memory lane, goodbye to our tearing the club up days, goodbye to the single life we shared, goodbye to the tears we did cry, goodbye to the closeness we shared, goodbye to you...goodbye to our best friendship..