doin me .

im doin me for the time being . "catch me when you can " seems like the tagline that fits the structure of my existence these days . ive held on to a replica of the past for so long its draining every ounce of me . i have looked for all the things i lack in the wrong places . exuded pity amongst the weakest individuals . ive exemplified the things ive wanted to in this whole year . 2009 has brought me a stronger sense of who i am and the goals ive wanted to achieve . i have a sense of what my desires are and have channeled them in energies i never knew existed in my DNA .

time and time again i will reflect back on my life and ask the question " what have ive learned this month " . the answer is so simple yet so complex . ive learned that patience is a virtue . ive sat back and examined my past relationships and realized that i infact lacked patience . i rushed to be on top and never cherished the moments where i could sit back and enjoy the ride . patience holds the key to all of our endeavors . if we just hold on to patience , our time will standstill .

ive also learned that faith is the necessity of life . if we lack faith , we cannot persevere . life gives us situations that its up to us if we are going to take heed to the situation . if we are going to turn that negative situation into a positive one . God will continue to put things upon ur heart until u break down and ask him for guidance & strength . however the only time he will grant ur wishes is if you exemplify faith .

with all of these things , i have overcome obstacles that i never knew i could . life didnt seem like it would get easy until i slowed down the pace . now im riding smooth & clean . life is great

cold .

cold air goes thru my body ,
as I ,
step out of my elements to write you this one last line ,
i beckoned and thought twice over again ,
the many things ive wanted to address to you in a short time span ,
this time away in my own world has brought me peace ,
i look forward to the times in my future where happiness ,
is due to me in fact since your presence wasted away in front of me ,

i thought back to the times we share ,
where you held my hand in the moonlight ,
kissed me with those soft lips ,
held me under the stars ,
asked me to make a wish ,
and you would try your best to granted it ,

i thought back to the times we made love ,
the sound of rain against the window pane ,
as our bodies became one ,
you devoured me ,
i devoured you ,
sweat released passion ,
teasing was a aftershock ,

i thought back to the times where we argued ,
i screamed and fought with you to understand ME ,
i cried in a corner to see if you would comfort me ,
you just stared ,
the times where ive had to treat you like SHIT ,
just so u would see how YOU made ME feel ,
times where ive had to push you away with every ounce of my soul ,
tearing me apart ,
tearing my soul ,
crushin your existance ,
weakened the bond ,

i thought back to the day you crawled back to me ,
on one knee you proposed a vow to me ,
declared your love for me ,
kissed away the stingin of the tears ,

i thought back to the day where i said enough is enough ,
existance are foreshadowing events that are misunderstood ,
actions couldnt speak in forms that were indeed louder than words ,
i threw away the key i got made for you to my soul ,
in my fireplace ,
still holds that burned copper ,

i feel your existance when i lay in bed ,
thoughts of it make me sick to my stomach ,
i feel you still trying to find me ,
longing for me ,
needing me ,
wanting me ,
desiring me .

with the same breathe i spoke ,
i exited you out of my life ,
on a cold day in January ,
2009 .
the cold still lingers in my body ,
it lets me know im still alive ,
skin isnt touched ,
because a warmth fills my soul ,

im humbled ,
content ,
happy ,
and im officially over you .

i look forward to the reminder ,
on that cold day in January ,
2010 ,
for i will be able to stand strong and say ,
i have overcome .