Twisted Fate

I sit here examining how and where I went wrong in this situation,
For now I am the person who wants to be open,
While the other is closed off,
I'm sitting here with egg on my face,
Like a person who expected a slight change,
Or maybe a way back into the world we use to be in,

But I've learned now that was a wasted though,
Emotion,
Feeling,
I can't believe I fell for the thoughts,
I cant believe I fell for the hype,
Convinced that things were headed in a more positive direction,
But now I know that I was just in my head,
Assuming that there had to be a light bulb,
That went off in their head,

But now I see that was not the case,
And now I'm getting a dose of my own medicine,
Boy doesn't it taste horrible,
Its bitter,
Cold,
Dry,
Gag Reflexes are in.
I can't stand the taste.
It is the absolute worst tasting medicine I have ever received in my entire life.

I can't stand the way society works out,
People are so badly scorned that,
Their own faith in humanity is completely gone,
There's no faith in falling in love,
There's no faith in being in a monogamous relationship,
There's absolutely no attempt to maintain substance,
Hell,
Even attract substance to someone!

People are content with the ideals of fucking and not being in love,
Laying down with anyone that will have them,
Simply because of the fact that,
They do not believe that they could,
And should want better!
I guess sex is some sort of remedy of brokenhearted syndrome,
Or maybe sex is heavily confused with or associated with...
LOVE!
I'm sure you knew that was coming.
Majority men attribute a woman loving him if she gives him sex,
A woman thinks a man will love her if she has sex with him when he requests it,
We live in a society that this is okay,
And that this is normal,

I wish the real people would just awaken,
So we can show the world,
What false illusions they have set in their minds...

To You .

To you,
I have manifested and procreated ways of division that only exists,
when a person has had it up to here with bullshit,
ive excused your actions and judgements,
ive held on to empty promises and broken words,
ive held on to endless lies and betrayal like a leech to a piece of flesh,
ive exited out those emotions with the same breathe i entered them with,

time and time again we as humans have the ability to hold on to so much baggage,
and then are the ones that complain when we are not happy within our own lives.
time and time again we as humans have the stance to say we are invincible to pain,
time and time again we as humans allow ourselves bicker and ridcule,
is it because we have yet to search what makes us whole,
not from a substance,
but whole from a being?

ive answered all those questions,
those equations,
those half assed theories,
and ive come up with this,
we are great nonetheless and we should exceed in just that..greatness
i am not perfect,
we are not perfect,
i do not hold the keys to your chest,
but i have molds to mold you into what society doesnt want you to be,

ive hid behind a mask for eternity,
ran around the tree like a school child,
touched the hearts of others,
jumped over the highest fences,
walked the longest miles,
beat up the smallest people,
scuffed the ugly,
killed the innocent,
murdered the dream,
and behind all those actions,
i have reaped what i sowed.

to you,
you see a bitterness,
to me,
i see a flower,
to you,
you see a crazy woman,
to me,
i see a burned and confused woman,
to you,
you see a beautiful face,
to me,
i see a beautiful soul,
to you,
the world revolves around you
to me,
the world revolves around greatness,
to you,
shes everything you have ever wanted,
to me,
it wouldnt explain your stares and long facedness.

ive seen it all before,
the many faces of pity,
the many looks of sorrow,
the many fronts of apologetic phrases,
the many walks of a bullshitter,
the many stances of a runner,
the many buildings that are moved by change and force,

i have overcome all things possible through my Lord and Savior,
for he has given me the main things ive asked,
guidance,
understanding,
depth,
courage,
love,
happiness,
genuinity,
passion,
drive,
success,
ambivalence,
positivity,
and more importantly,
a new beginning.

for you to look at me like you miss me,
for you to even shadow a thought process about me,
for you to size me up like i was a model or a flash of a camera,
for you to even still care,
for you to look like i killed your dog today,
for you to pay attention to my every move,
for you to allowed yourself to show any type of emotion in my direction,
the only thing i have to say to you is...
now you know what it feels like to be ignored.
now you know what it feels like to feel like everything done is in vain..
now you know what it feels like to be shitted on,
now you know what it does to a person when they are so fucked up in the head,
of lies and games played..

now you had your own medicine,
cant take it now?
feeling like the wall is closing down on you,
like i said before,
a lesson learned,
i am not the same woman you met two years ago,
i have blossomed into some thing that is amazingly and fearfully made,

i am the poster child for struggle,
i am the leader for tomorrow,
i am the bitch with the attitude,
i am the oldest sister of girls.
i am a lover of a woman.
i am a confidant to my best friend,
i am a stronger muse,
i am a intellectual,
i am a struggle for acceptance.
i am a leader for the future,
i am everything she wants to be..
i am everything you want to be..
i am everything you wish i could be again..

i am that woman,
who comforts,
supports,
hinders,
befriend,
love,
hate,
mistake,
i am that woman who you stared at,
i am that woman that stared you back,
but i am not that woman you met,
just two long years ago.
i am the real me,
the person you never got to met,
and never will get the pleasure to be graced with.
although i didnt humble myself enough to utter a word,
i humbled myself enough to not pay attention to your existance in my presence.

i too let the caged bird out,
i too held on to that woman at the ledge,
i too nursed that baby back to health,
i too held on strong for those who wanted to give up,
i too became the guidance to youth,
i too became..
everything you expected i wouldnt become...