up at 5am

so im up at 5am and i have to be at work at 9am..i wont be gettin off until either 4 or 6...and im blown because i have to be up at 730am..u do the math..i havent yet been to sleep..i cant fuckin sleep at all..im wide awake writing this blog..im sure u can hear me cussin up a storm..why? because im goin to be on my fuckin feet all damn day...dealin with rude ass females..wantin to get a measurement..and i cant fuckin sleep..so instead of me bitchin layin down..i decided to write a blog..go figure right..

i guess i have alot on my mind..im still bitter about my ordeal with my ex..but lately..since it happened anyways..ive felt that she is dead to me...she died to me that night she for the thousandth time disrespected me and acted the way she did..but ive realized in that time span..that she was just as bad as the nigga that use to beat me..she always said to me..never put me in the same category as him..but now that i think about it..she deserves to be in that category..noone you love will put you down all the time..noone you love will make you feel like sloppy seconds..especially if you had their heart first..noone you love will hurt you for the joy of it..they will hurt you..but it will hurt them more than it hurt you..i know while im writing this blog..she is curled up with her gf not worried about a damn thing but her and that gf..and she damn sure aint worried about me..and quite frankly ive realized she never worried about me..all the shit she said was to keep me closer and closer..so that i wouldnt see past her bullshit..that i wouldnt call her on her shit and roll out like all the rest...or quite frankly..if anyone else did..im sure she used me more than i used her..im sure it never bothered her any..the arguements because she felt that i was pushin her away was a sign to keep me close..all the bullshit she did like take me out and spend money on me...was a security blanket because she had noone to spend that time with..quite frankly while i thought i was playin her..she was playin me..jokes on me i guess..but in the end..it is what it is...game was played very well...i always said if a female played me and i found out..and she survived that shit..id give her big props..because im a hard female to play..and even harder to roll with...so with that bein said...LAURA..you got it..u got me good..but one day...you'll reap what you sow...