trust.

my heart is hurting and my mind is wandering.
my brains says no but my body is yearning.
my thoughts are plagued and my fingers are typing.
trust i have bestowed is of a great deal.
in a person im trying to figure out why God is continuously cursing me with.
i wish i wasnt here.
i wish i wasnt there.
i wish my heart wasnt open.
i wish deception wasnt an option.
i wish my thoughts would just cease.
i wish parts of her never existed.
i wish.
damn i wish i could never feel an emotion again.
i want to get up.
remain up.
and lift up from the situation.
but i feel at times a boulder is pushing me down.
pushing me down like concrete to the worlds beneath me.
i wish i didnt feel like my heart was skidded on.
i wish my face didnt feel like it was unpretty.

i trust in myself to make decisions that i know i cannot make.
i trust in God that he will make a way.
i trust in my friends for levelheadedness.
i trust in myself to justify situations that arent greatly appreciated.
i just wish i could trust the human ra.ce.
the same way i trust myself.

no more i say.
no more i cannot take.
but why does God keep pulling me back.
what the hell is this man trying to tell me.
teach me.
mold me into?
so many questions raced thru out my mind.
my heart feels empty.
and my body feel numb.
i erase the memories.
and never look back again.
from this moment on.
i shall remain the distant person ive become again.
until one day these open sores.
finally heal truthfully.
trust in noone i say.
because trust leads you nowhere.

i look to you for support and comfort.
for you to say i feel the same way you do.
i look to the skies for a rainbow.
to tell me that lifes is just one big learning lesson.
neither has come.
so what does that mean truthfully?

i trust in you Lord.
please help me.
i know you hear me crying.
i know you feel my heart.
i know you know im true and sincere.
help me Lord to understand your ways.
help me to trust.
life in general,
and the people i may come across.
Lord help me.
I pray....