tired.

im tired of the fact that im so envidently givin myself to friends that arent even worthy of it..im tired of the fact that at the end of the day..the little trust that i do have..i bestow it upon a particular individual..she knows that i lack trust in individuals as is..so when im able to..even if its only at certain instances..come to you with an issue or problem..i not only hope..but expect you to be there for me thick and thin..especially if ive been there for you..i cant understand why..why do people just act like they care...just be honest from jump..if you dont give two fucks..then dont give two fucks..end of story..i cant stress how much that hurts when you start learnin to trust and especially its with a person you not only had history with..you were in love with..AND how begged you to trust them overall..dont come at me sayin that your a great person and you cant understand why your always gettin people that fuck you over..when the real actuality is..your a great fuckin actor..shit thats what your major was correct? so its shows..at the end of the day my friend..not only am i gonna not be there for you..just so you can see how it feels to be left alone when goin thru somethin..but im also gonna make sure i make better attempts to rid you out of my life..i cannot have someone that claims they care when its obviously by the little things that you dont..your so quick to throw in my face the things you do for me..but at the end of the days those things are materialistic..i need you there when i feel i cannot go on longer..i need you there when my body gets weak and i cannot stop the tears from flowin..i need you there when i feel that my world is crumblin beneath me..i need you there to wipe the tears away..hold me..and tell me its gonna be ok..even if i dont believe it..just do it anyways..thats what friends are for..true friends that is..i guess after all our history you came up short..you came up not bein the person i thought you could be..or were..its weird how a female youve only known for a couple of weeks and you guys are just "friends" but she gets more attention than i do? how is that? how is that you know im goin thru somethin...needin attention..especially from you..but when i call you dont answer? why is it that i have to be the one that always calls you..why is it that i have to get a phone call after makin sure i didnt call you for two days..and you all of a sudden excited to hear from me..didnt think i missed you cuz i didnt call..why is it that you beg me to open up and tell me thats what friends are for in order to reach out to them? but when i do..its a problem because your not around to be there..and when i dont you get aggrevated and shut down..your actions show that you dont know what you want..your actions show that you only care when it suits you..