departed.

i dont understand why i am alone in this battle,
why is it that i love her so damn much that,
even though i dont want her around as much,
im still upset at the littlest things,
such as her not callin me like she use to,
her not bein as affectionate as she use to be,
her not simply doin the little things she use to do,
i keep on trying to figure out if its somethin that ive done wrong,
or is it finally that time where we both might need to say goodbye,

am i over reactin,
is the equation not simplified yet?
have i ran out of the many wishes ive wished since shes been around?
have i rub her lamp a lil too hard,
so many questions beckon inside my head,
but she refuses to answer,
apart of me is just thinkin that im overreactin,
but another part of me is thinkin thats not the case,
that she will do me like she did me before,
and wait until everything makes her sick,
and use some tired excuse to finally make it disappear,
because no matter what she says,
i dont just believe that it was her redemption that made her break up with me,
she even said so herself,
that she couldnt deal with the other things that were the problem before,
and she hid everything from me,
not openin up and tellin me what was wrong,
until it was too late,
apart of me wont ever forgive her for it because,
this would be the third time she has done it if it happens again,
where would i go from here now?
three times a charm right,
or so i thought that,
eventually ill get tired of runnin around in circles,
but in the meantime,
where do i go from here?
what do i do now?
is this solution never coexistant?
will i ever find the main compartment of the tell tale story?

i know that i havent played the best role in this love story,
this opera,
this soap opera,
but things have changed tremendously since the first time i laid my eyes on her,
things arent the same anymore,
in fact they are completely different,
even when we were back on track it still felt different,
it wasnt like it use to be,
and now,
she doesnt even recognize me hardly,
because if she did,
the phone calls would have not died down,
watered down phone calls just because,
or the fact that now i have to come out of my way,
and reach out to her for a phone call or two,
and if and when i bring this matter up to her,
she just brushes it off like its dust,
that it doesnt make her sneeze,
or irritate her,
instead i feel dumb because im the only one bringing this to the table,
she understands my fustrations when its not about her,
but the minute i bring her into the picture shes quiet,
doesnt really react much,
instead she plays asleep,
while my voice wanders off,
in a relm of disappointment,
despair,
heartache,
confusion,
bitterness,
i am now the secondary choice,
i was once warned that though,
funny thing is i never took the advice,
i was too much in love to see what the real truth lied,
not sayin she never loved or cared about me,
because that truth was ambivalent,
the fact of the matter is now,
i have officially taken a back seat ride,
instead of the shotgun position,

my mind wanders as hours and minutes goes by,
and not one phone call laces my cell phone,
and when she does call shes in best friend mode,
now,
instead of every moment lovey dovey,
shes talkin about the dude shes talkin to,
or,
work,
granted yes the job things are more important in my opinion,
but peep this,
if i was your center of the universe for months on end,
years on end,
and then all of the sudden you completely up and change the rotation,
how am i suppose to react to that?
arent i entitled to me bein upset from that?
but of course only her emotions matter,
because every time i do something wrong to her,
shes so quick to tell me about it,
no questions asked,
and gets mad at me if i dont understand her fully,
but when i try and voice my opinion and let it be known,
what she does to either hurt me or upset me,
she has a problem with it,
goes off into a tyrant,
and immediately seeks closure behind a closed mouth,

bottom line is this,
i never get my way,
i had it before,
and i lost it,
i lost her,
dont know if ill ever get her back but,
either way i know that,
the past is the past,
and the future is yet to come,
im not sure if she is guarenteed a spotlight there,
but only time will tell,
and time heals all wounds,
even the ones that you thought couldnt be healed,
i guess it takes the magic of believing,
and lettin go,
ive loved her thus far,
i guess its time for someone else to take over.